The Fantasy Bar

[DOUGHBOYS]

Sometimes I picture fantasy baseball as a bar.
We are the horny 20-somethings looking for some action. When arriving, the bar is packed full of possibilities.
Some drafters are better looking or have more money than us. They get the best looking girls the bar has to offer.
The Mike Trout's and Mookie Betts of the bar won't be going home with us.
There are new girls at the bar. Ronald Acuna Jr. is hot now.
Next week it may be somebody else.
Just down the street, Justus Sheffield, Vladimir Guerrero Jr., and Eloy Jimenez in a smaller bar.
They think they are ready to come to THE bar.
But their parents won't let them.


There are barfly's on the stools.
Adam Jones, Andrew McCutchen, and Miguel Cabrera sit together watching 'the kids' on the television over the bar, each telling the other how they would have made that play in their heyday.
Once they were each the Ronald Acuna Jr. of the bar, now a shoulder shrug in our eyes.
They look at us with disapproval. We treat them like meat.
There was a time, though, when they loved the way we looked at them.

The bar Manager has a big mustache and pushes Corona's insistently.
He gets plenty of complaints.
The lights at the bar flicker and the surroundings never seem to match up greatly to the clientele that frequent the bar.
He's run the bar a long time.
He knows it is the people that make his bar better than the rest.
He has been through many owners.
Each saying that the bar will be better with THEM owning it.
It never is.
They don't understand that it is the core of customers that make this bar what it is.
Not their promises.

That's Joey Votto singing karaoke on the stage.
He used to be a Star.
One of the first patrons to go home on the arm of a drafter.
Now, just a year from joining Jones, McCutchen, and Cabrera in reminiscing in how they used to be 'somebody's'.

There are some that show a lot of leg.
Trea Turner, Dee Gordon, Billy Hamilton, etc
Their legs ARE terrific. But they do not have much in other ways of 'development'.
They are considered 'fast'. And they do turn some heads.
Mostly though, they keep coming back to the bar.
Their partners, mostly disappointed in choosing them.
Once the legs were seen, the rest paled.
Giving them (and us) a 10 in one category, a far lesser number in the other categories.

Catchers look like Hell. They're awkward and beaten down by life.
They are always at the bar late, hardly ever are they they among the first to leave.
If liking the way they look, there is a benefit.
You can leave the bar with one on each arm.

We like our chances with those that hit for high averages.
It is why Trout, Betts, Jose Altuve, and Nolan Arenado are the first to leave the bar year in and year out.
The chances of us scoring, better.
We like scoring.

Max Scherzer, Justin Verlander, Zach Greinke, Jake deGrom, and now, Aaron Nola are very popular.
They don't come with 'baggage'.
Other pitchers give their dates headaches with complaints about their health.
The last thing we want to hear when trying to talk to a prospective date is their tough luck with their health.
Worse, we don't want our dates hurt on our watch.
The pain of that lasts a year.

Jayson Werth, Ryan Howard, and Matt Holliday are among the drunks.
Drinking away their sorrows of being relevant.
We remember when each was an integral part of our team.
Now, we feel a little sorry for them.
Sure, they have more money in their wallets than we will see in our lives, but now look at them.
Begging for a place in our societal bar.
Before, we couldn't wait to take them home. now avoiding eye contact in case they think we're still interested.

Man, we love that bar!
Each and every day something new happens.
Addison Russell beats up a girl and now instead of pushing the saloon doors open with pride, he slithers off to a corner stool.
Brock Holt now pushes those doors open exuding confidence, unfortunately, he'll be relegated to 'normalcy' when the regular customers come in.
Word gets 'round that Miguel Sano ran over a cop. Nobody, really surprised .
It is a reality show, a soap opera, a drama, and comedy rolled into one.
OUR Bar.
We love it and wouldn't have it any other way.
See you there.