A Pessimist's Guide to Fantasy Baseball....

[DOUGHBOYS]

If one of my hitters hits a ball, and it is questionable as to whether it is a hit or an error, it'll be ruled an error.

If one of my pitchers is throwing, and a batter hits a ball and it is questionable as to whether the play will be ruled a hit or error, it'll be ruled a hit.

My fast guy will usually get on with second base occupied.

When I have a four homer day, I'll have five rbi.

When my batter hits a single, he'll be forced out at second.

That pitcher that left the ball game after four and two thirds and leading? Mine.

My hitter had the only 0-5 in a game where his team scored 14 runs.

My pitchers never get unearned runs.

Why can't anybody on second base score when my hitters gets a single?

Anytime somebody 'flashes the leather', my hitter was the one who hit the ball.

Every time my chief competion has a Closer that blows a save, he ends up with a Win.
My Closers never get a Win.

If my Starter leaves runners on base and gets relieved, they score.

My guy gets intentionally walked, THEN they pinch run for him!

If I'm listening on radio, my hitters up, and the broadcaster says, "There's a long drive down the left field line...." I already know it'll be foul or caught.

If my pitcher comes out of the game with a lead of one or two runs, fuhgeddaboutit, the relievers will blow it.

If my Closer comes in with a non-save situation, I hope one of my hitters is batting, at least I'll have a hit to somewhat offset the blown E.R.A. and W.H.I.P.

The only time my hitter hits what should be an extra base hit with the bases loaded is in the bottom of the ninth inning, making him a hero and making me mad I get one rbi, not three.

A 10 player trade and not one inking or inkling from the press, not one.

I laugh in knowing that Joe Morgan wrote, 'Baseball For Dummies'
No, it has nothing to do with this post, but it still makes me laugh.

Again, nothing to do with the original post, but.....
Ron Santo gets inducted into the Hall of Fame Sunday.
A reminder of how stupid the folks are that vote and how little they 'get it'.
The best comparison for what they did to Santo is this-

'Dear Mrs. Smith,
For years, your husband and others tried to convince us that he did not murder Mr. Jones.
Yesterday, we arrested the real culprit.
He has confessed.
You will be happy to hear that we will release this information to the press today and exonerate your husband.
Your Welcome.
We're sorry that Mr. Smith spent all those years in prison, and even more sorry that he passed away in our prison last year.
We want you to know that now, we have done what is right and at the least, some of your family can share in that glory.

Thank you,
JP Pompous,
Warden of Exclusive Prison